Sunday, October 15, 2017

weirdly long hiatus over and the reason why it happened to begin with.

hi friends.
 here i am for the millionth time writing a post after a long hiatus.
 i can't count how many times i've written one of these, but this time, my reason is an actual legitimate reason.

i didn't have a working computer. 

well also i had problems writing anything because i was working on some posts that require research, but mainly because i didn't have a working computer. 

old faithful just up and quit on me. she got old and couldn't handle what i needed her to do. 
poor girl.

the timing couldn't have been more perfect (sarcasm) considering i had just gotten a new camera (like new as in pretty freaking professional and nice and beautiful and i'm still in shock and awe that i even acquired it - another story for another time), and i couldn't upload my pictures because the old girl would run so slow that i felt like it wasn't necessary to do much other then watch youtube and netflix, til she finally breathed her last. 

granted, that was without much warning.

i know, the slow and incapable nature of her should have been enough of a sign, but i'd rather a noise or something. it's more abrupt and really really obvious. i do fairly well with really really obvious. fairly well being the main idea here. 

so here i was, feeling awkward as i tend to be, all of my resources minus one main one. it was weird editing pictures on my phone, but also really cool to know that's an option- technology has come really far.


then my sweet mom, decided to help me find a good deal on a computer. she found one and was so kind and got it for me- she's a huge supporter of my dreams and i am very thankful for her help.

thanks mom. i love you.

but that particular computer is having an issue. i am trying to get the proper software downloaded on to it, and it's being a giant jerk and not doing that. it requires some help from people who kow more about computers then i so....yeah. working on that.

so i have an inexpensive back up that i'm currently using (a little chromebook, it's rather adorable), just so i can get going (thank you queen d for that suggestion) with some writing and editing pictures and just pursuing some passions. i also went ahead and got it to see if i could figure out the other software issue myself. but it seems i cannot. 

at least i tried.

anyway...

thank you for being patient, my few loyal readers. 
you really are too kind for that. 
really.
 you are. 



Monday, May 8, 2017

a post on insecurities.

hi friends.

if you've checked out my "about me" page (and if you haven't you should, and then tell me that you did by posting a comment here or, even better, on the page it self), you've seen my "mission statement" of sorts. but,while you should go check it, i'll post it here for the sake of time and getting to the root of this post:

" "awkwardly caroline" is a blog dedicated to life and all the weirdness it brings. through this space i hope and pray to encourage and entertain through my writings about my lifestyle, my travels (which have slowly become greater in the last couple years, for which i'm thankful), food (i've been experimenting massively in this area, #vegan/#vegetarian), and awkward amounts of honesty."


i'm pretty sure i've got the awkward and entertaining part down to somewhat of a science (or at least i think i do-i'm thoroughly entertained by the things i write most of the time, i ain't even gonna lie to ya.) but this is the time of the blog where i want to share something on my heart.

i had the opportunity about a month ago to share this with a group of young girls a couple of months ago and i want to share it a little farther. but as i sit here trying to collect my thoughts and notes, and i can't seem to get it together.

 #storyofmylife 

however, having shared this once already has done wonders for my mental, emotional, and spiritual state. it's amazing how God brings things up in order to allow you to actually deal with things. i feel as though i have this new found freedom from the things that used to weigh me down.

so........

i want to talk about insecurities and our identity in Christ.
in a ramble, rant kind of way.

i am going to be real and raw with you.

i have/had many insecurities in my lifetime.

*collective gasp*

i know, crazy.

whodathunkit?

(sorry, so much sarcasm.)

but seriously.

 i have many insecurities that i have dealt with in the past or still currently struggle with and am working through by the grace of Jesus.

these things that i have struggled with include, but are not limited to, my physical appearance, my singleness, and the fact that i am 24 (i'll be 25 in September of this year. yikes.) and still haven't finished college and am leading myself to believe that i am not progressing in life or moving forward in adulthood.

basically i don't feel like i have my crap together. 

#adultingfail

most of these things, i've struggled with them internally. i didn't talk about them much in detail, but rather to a certain degree, would end in beating myself up in my own mind about these things and how they needed to be fixed so that i could become "better".

there. i said it.

but admittance is the first step to recovery. 
or so they say. 

i've struggled with the fact that my face is rather lopsided. if i turn my face in one direction, my profile is actually quite nice. but should i turn my head in the other direction, i have a double chin that goes on for about 500 miles. and when you look at me head on, there is this clear, uneven section of skin by my chin.

granted, i'm usually the only one who sees this. 
but some days it bothers me.

while i have this more or less under control now, i used to hardcore struggle with acne.
  please note that my skin is still not perfect and may never be, 
but it is so much better thanks to healthy foods and lots of water.

 my acne used to be so bad that i rarely left the house with out some sort of makeup on, which in itself is not good for one's skin either. in order to cover up these little face demons, i'd pile on layers of makeup in hopes to have something that resembled a clear face. then, reality sets in and the break outs get worse because there is so much crap and so many chemicals on your face, making everything worse.
it's a vicious cycle.
on top of all this, it would take me up to 30 minutes to put everything on and get that "natural" look. 30 minutes for a "natural" look?
get out of here with that witchcraft.
 nobody has time for that.

(i'll do another post in the future about a current face routine and make up that really helps with the breakouts because all of these things are a massive life changer. i promise.)

i am insecure over the fact that i am not a tiny or small girl. not only am i tall for a woman (according to society, but i'm not model tall, rather on the short side of tall), but i am "big boned" as they say. basically i'm tall and somewhat built like a football player, or at least that's how it makes sense to me. i have a good deal of muscle, shockingly, but the number on the scale would never tell you that.

 i have always struggled with my weight- the goal always being that i needed to loose the weight. i've tried numerous diets and mostly all of them were dumb. i have since had a weird relationship with food that i am now slowly figuring out, to my benefit. but food was my enemy, whether because i wanted it all the time or didn't want it at all. this is not to say that i starved my self, but rather my appetite would fluctuate based on reasons.

i don't have a "thigh gap", or whatever the latest, stupid body trend is. i will NEVER have a thigh gap. i have curves. i have thick thighs that rub together when i walk or run and sometimes can even rub holes into my pants. i cannot tell you how many pairs of jeans that i have turned into shorts because of the hole left in them from the wear and tear of my thick thighs and everyday life. the most recent victim, my favorite pair of jeans from old navy that only lasted a month because i wore them so much.

according to the internet (which, lesbihonest here, isn't always as reliable== as we claim), as a 5'9'' 24 year old female, i should be a certain weight. but i've learned that that weight is a ridiculous standard set by people who don't fully understand the facts about the body and the fact that not all people are built the same. let's be real here - if i weighed the amount that i'm suppose to weigh in my age and height bracket, i would not look healthy at all.

my hips are wide. they are what like to call birthing hips- hips that are perfect for birthing babies. however i'm single and know nothing about pushing babies our nor will be  pushing any babies out anytime soon. my hips make it hard to sit on a plane or sometimes even a bus because they like to peek into the next seat and, should there be someone sitting next to me, sometimes makes travel uncomfortable. but really i'm just over reacting and whining. my hips make trying on jeans an interesting situation. while things are beginning to even out

i have been insecure in the fact that i am 24 years old and still single. i've never even gone out on a date. no one has ever asked me. i some times blame this on the fact that i am big and "not pretty" for anyone to like me. that's silly. but i have this standard for beauty in my head because of things like social media and magazines where every woman mentioned is stick skinny and not too tall and proportioned "just right".

i get insecure over the fact that i'm single and that i get lonely. and loneliness isn't a fun thing. i wish i could be in a relationship at this very minute. what i forget is that God's timing is perfect. Ecc3:11

i get insecure over the amount of anxiety that i have. i feel stupid for allowing the anxiety to take over my mind and spill out into my emotions. i fell silly for feeling anxious because scripture talks about the issue with anxiety and how to cure it. (find scripture) and yet some how, recently, i have had a couple anxiety attacks.

i get very insecure about the fact that i am half way through my 20's and i haven't finished college and am currently a full time barista (but don't misunderstand me, there is NOTHING wrong with being a barista. it's a great job!) most people my age have finished school and have started careers. for me, i started college in one major, switched schools and majors two years later, and then changed my major yet again a year later. and here i am, no longer in school and working full time as a barista at a job that's one of the most stressful jobs i've ever had, yet i can't leave it because i won't find a job any where that pays as well as this one.

sometimes i wonder how someone could love me with all of these things. but then i remember the only thing that is even remotely important through all of this.

Jesus loves me despite these things. 
he's made that clear through scripture and with the fact that he died for ME. 

if you are struggling with anything similar or a different thing of your own, 
Jesus loves you despite all those things.

these things are lies that satan puts into our heads to mess with us. i think it's especially easy to get to us as women because we are already already concerned with these things so satan takes the vulnerability and runs with it. but it's also possible that when one get's off track and looses focus, these things come more and more to light because you are not surrounding yourself with Jesus and what His promises say.

these things, the insecurities,  
are lies.

is it good to take care of yourself and your physical body? 
absolutely.
"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? MAY IT NEVER BE! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute  is one body with her? For He says, 'THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.' But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Or dod you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you. whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God with your body." (1 corinthians 6:15-17,19-20/ emphasis added.)
john piper said it best in his commentary on this passage of scripture,
"the body is for the Lord! your body has been given to you for one reason: an instrument for glorifying Christ (vs. 20). the way you use your body an the way you take care of your body should communicate that the glory of Christ is all-satisfying."

piper goes on to say that not only is "the body for the Lord, but the Lord for the body". Chrsit cares about our body and He cares how we use our body. he's put a "premium" on how we end up using our body.
 (you can find the entirety of the article on this passage here.)
 so its obvious that our body is not ours, really it's a loan. we've been giving this structure, this vessel, to use for glorifying God. when we tap into the ways of using it well, we are being poor property managers. (me included, i'm also talking to me.)
being healthy and taking care of the temple you have been provided is important, VERY important. but should it become an obsession based on the pictures you see in magazines and on social media and people with good looking features? should you strive for what those things have made to be absolute body perfection?

heck no. 
every body was created differently, there for each body requires a different kind of maintenance (for lack of making bodies sound like cars but you know.)


would it be nice to meet the man or woman of your dreams (i'm all about traditional here), with the intentions of marrying and starting a family and being in ministry together (or whatever you feel you've been called to do, but don't forget that is still your ministry) and living "happily ever after in a dang fairytale?
  (jk jk we all know that's not realistic, that fairytale nonsense)
for sure. 
i know that's my dream eventually.

but should we hate ourselves because no one has expressed interest?
 should you question yourself when you wonder why no one has ever asked you out on a date?
  (this one can be a daily battle, so it requires a daily climbing over the mountain)
noooooooooooo.

in Ecclesiastes 3, Solomon talks about how there is "an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...." and he then he goes on to list what i visualize as different seasons of life and how God makes everything appropriate and beautiful in it's set time.

we just gotta remember that timing is everything.

it has nothing to do with how we look or why were are still single or WHATEVER it is that we ask ourselves.

and we definitely shouldn't be beating ourselves up because our college careers or whatever went down the toilet compared to our original expectations. that's not going to do any good at all.
that's not to say that you shouldn't try your best in whatever you do.

 "whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord, not man,
knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.
It is the Lord Christ who, you serve."  colossians 3:23-24        
  dear sister or brother- whoever may end up reading this- whatever job, whatever schooling,whatever you are doing right now, that you know you are suppose to be doing, keep on doing it. do not play the comparison game, as i like to sometimes, with other people's lives. the grass may always been greener on the other side, but that's because we are too busy looking at our neighbors lawn and not tending to our own.

keep on keeping on. do what you know.
what you are doing is of no less importance then someone else, as long as you are being obedient and glorifying God through it.

let's quite beating ourselves up an start glorifying up.

that makes sense right?


anyways, i hope you got something out of this long massive ramble.
leave me a comment of your thoughts.
thanks for reading.
i love you for it. 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

13 things baristas everywhere are begging you not to do.

hi friends.


as many of ya'll know, i am a barista.
out of all the jobs i've had (i haven't had many), this has been my favorite. i've truly enjoyed learning the art of traditional coffee, meeting new people, making new friends, and having my co-workers feel like family. i've been very blessed with this job and the opportunities that have risen from it.

however, 
there is one set back about being a barista; it is part of the food and beverage industry.
of course you're thinking, "well DUH caroline. coffee is a beverage. most coffee shops sell food. this is obvious."

i know.

trust me.
i've been in the industry for a hot minute. 

i'm fully aware.

what i mean is that being in the food and beverage industry has it's issues. mainly those issues are with the people that come into the establishment. and sometimes, that's where i've had most of my issues...

which leads me to inform the general public of some guest-to-barista etiquette.

 i have taken the responsibility of compiling a list for those who frequent the coffee houses and shops and chains.



1. please do not start off your sentence with " i want" or "i need".
 especially if i am kind enough to ask you how you are before i ask what you would like. usually i care how people are. i genuinely want to know how your day has been. 
humor me.
also, you do not need coffee unless you're feeling dead to the world and even then manners are so key. and sometimes, you can't always get what you want, the rolling stones remind us of this. even they know this fact of life to be true. sorry to disappoint.

2. please do not make a stink over the fact that we don't have the coffee/ tea you like that particular day. 
it's a crazy thought, but it's possible for that particular brew, flavor, or tea is empty and we need to refill it.
 or we are done for the evening with that option.
or we are just plan out of it.  
but it's also all about cost of food and waste. if we are out, usually we are waiting on a shipment. if it's empty around nine thirty and the shop closes at ten, chances are, for the sake of not wasting valuable product and money, we may not make it again til the following morning. having a tantrum and giving the barista a hard time isn't going to solve any of these issues, it's just going to make us serving you that much harder. 

3. if you come in at the same time every day and are used to seeing the same barista on those days, please do not make the fill in barista scheduled that day feel less then or think they don't know how to make your drink of choice. we have been trained to make you coffee. just because i am not
  your favorite barista 
and cannot start your drink as soon as i see you, does not mean i can't make your drink. 
just be patient. you won't die from having to speak a few extra words.
calm down.

4. do not ask me if we have coffee.
i will never understand this question. you are the one who walked into a coffee shop, what do you think we are going to serve you, grass? no. are your senses off? can you not smell the coffee when you walk in? did you not read the sign before walking inside? do you go about life in complete oblivion? if you ask me this question, expect your drink to magically turn into decaf and slightly sarcastic response. no waking up for you for asking such silly questions. just stop.

5. please read the menu before ordering,
 unless your drink is basic enough, in order to know for sure what you want. 
please read the menu
this saves many questions, disappointment, and frustration. it is key to know that not every coffee shop, whether locally owned or a chain, is the same. we may not carry everything that your coffee shop at home has. we may not have coconut milk like the shop up the street has, but i can promise that the non-dairy milk we do have, it's listed on our beautifully drawn chalkboard menu. and that menu took a lot of time and energy.

(this goes along with number five BUT) 
6. please do not assume you can add literally ANYTHING to your drink.
i know places allow very flexible customizations to drinks, especially their smoothies and protein shakes (if they even carry those), but not every place does that. some menus are customizable within reason and some are just what you see on the board. so again, please read the menu or AT LEAST get a general idea of the menu before ordering. everything will go very smoothly after that. and i will do my best to get you the drink you want. 
within reason.

side note, please don't think i'm not willing to answer your question. I AM. however, if it has to do with menu items and is not allergy related, READ THE MENU FIRST, then come order.

also along with menu reading,
7. please make a decision 
or at least have an idea of what you want or narrow down what you would like before you order. do not come to the counter completely undecided ESPECIALLY if there is a long line. you're holding everyone and everything up and it's super awkward for me to stand in front of you silently while you graze through each option.

8. please learn the name of your drink. 
listing random ingredients that we may or may not have is time consuming. 
example- hot chocolate with a shot of espresso are the ingredients of a hot mocha. there is no nee to list them. this is not a different drink. a frappe latte' is not a thing AT ALL. it is, in fact,  two different drinks. one of them being ONLY frozen. the other is typically hot. if you're willing to pay for both, i'll make you both, but combining the two is nearly impossible. you'll end up with a melted, weird drink and your hopes are dreams taken away from you.

9. please wait your turn for your drink. 
be aware of who is around you. no one is too tired to notice that there are other people waiting for their drink before you. if you ordered a small cappuccino, that medium latte i just made is 
not. for. you.  
don't jump the line because you can't pay attention. 
that's rude. 
you are not God's gift to me just for providing your business. 

10. please do not tell me how to make your drink. 
unless you went to barista college in the mountains of italy and have hand picked beans straight from coffee plantations in brazil, let me do my job to provide you the best coffee and experience possible. i promise i know what i'm doing. this is especially true if your used to drinking those "cappuccinos" from the machines in gas stations. i hate to break it to you, but as one who used to frequently consume gas station "cappuccinos", those things are awful for you, and there is no actual coffee in them, rather just caffeine and sugar. if you come in ordering a vanilla cappuccino, you'll get one, just not what you expected only consuming that fake stuff.

11. please do not come into a local shop and order in starbucks lingo. 
now before i go on, i want to make something very clear. this is not a dig at starbucks. i too frequent there. i too have a decent dosage of basic white girl in my system. however, i know when to shut it on and off. if you walk into starbucks, certain phrases and words are fine. in fact, they are encouraged! but those phrases (i.e. the names for their sizes) do not work in a locally owned place. i will, kindly, repeat your order back you in the correct for the environment manner. and do not correct me because in this scenario, the barista is right and the guest is wrong. 

12. please, if you are going to move the furniture around, 
put it back when you are done. 
as baristas, we have many things that are necessary for us to do rearranging the already perfectly placed furniture is not one of them. if you meed to add chairs to a table? 
fine! 
go ahead! 
have a party!
 put them back when your done.
want to move a comfy chair over by the couch because all three of your friends are sitting there and you want to be near them? 
cool stuff bro-ham! 
move that chair! 
fellowship with your friends! 
but put that chair back when your done or so help me, i'll give you decaf.

 if you're on a date and spending some special time with your significant other, 
13. do not do nasty things on my furniture. 
first of all, gross. 
get a room. 
second of all, there are cameras in practically every food establishment, especially one pointed at that couch that your trying to snoodle on.
 we see you. 
we don't want to see you.
 third, have some decency.
 leave that kind of PDA for private. 
no one wants nor needs to see that. 
get out of here with that crap.


man, it feels really good to get that all off my chest. 

like i said before, i love my barista job.
 but i love it even more if people are willing to cooperate. 
are there any baristas out there with pleas for the general public? 
leave them in the comments! i'd love to hear about them!


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

get yourself a tribe.

hi friends! fair warning and i'm not sorry for this at all but there is about to be a massive picture explosion. but again. not sorry about it in the slightest.

so, while working on more post and content for this sweet little home i've found here, i want to share about a group that is so close to heart. 

but, group is not the proper word for what i want to talk about.

my people could be described with a number of different words.

example:

herd.
pack.
school.
clowder.
pounce.
brood.
raft.
colony.
rookery.
waddle.
huddle.
romp.
litter.
prickle.
 mob.
troop.
colony.
fluffle.
nest.
tribe.


yes i just went through an entire list of animal groupings.
ahh yes tribe is the perfect word for what i'm feeling and thinking.

tribe.

dictionary.com defines this as "a division of some other people", "a company, group, or number of persons", "a class or set of persons, especially one with strong common traits or interests", "a large family" along with a number of other definitions.

this is a proper idea of my people.

ya'll, get yourself a good tribe.


get yourself people who will laugh with you.
and at you.


get yourself people who will encourage you in your walk with Christ.


get yourself people who will adventure with you.






get yourself people who are willing to go through EVERYTHING WITH YOU.




get yourself people who know when to be serious, 
but don't take EVERYTHING seriously.




get yourself who care about you and who you care about in return.




my tribe consists of Abby, Cara, Michayla, and myself. we have all been friend for years, some of us our ENTIRE lives. i am so thankful for my tribe, these beautiful woman. 



we've been through just about everything together; school, puberty, love, heartbreak, weddings (only one so far) and so many things i can't begin to name. these ladies have encouraged me spritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. they have been my rocks. they have supported me, they have called me out when i'm being stupid.

and last but not least, they have dealt with my VERY weird sense of humor.


the four of us recently were able to get together for dinner and it was the most refreshing time of friendship. we don't get together often, but when we do, it is the best time. we had dinner, caught up on each others lives and laughed and that is my favorite kind of girls night out.
  



ladies, i hope you never doubt how much i love all of you, how thankful i am for you, how i wouldn't be where i am without you. thank you for loving me. thank you for letting me love you.

cheers to the best friends i've ever had.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

i swear i didn't leave.

hi friends. 

i'm so so so so so so so so sorry for the tiny hiatus. 
it was unplanned, minus the fact that for half of it i was out of town. 
if you noticed on instagram, i was in chicago and IT WAS THE BEST. but as soon as i got home, i got sick with something and couldn't really function for most of the week. 

but i'm working on a couple post that should be up thought out the next week or so, specifically one about chicago, so IT'S GONNA BE SHAWEET.


but as for now, i'm working on a presentation/ post for this site and currently donning a black facial mask because "i'm such a basic white girl."

have a lovely day, you lovely people.

p.s. 
i'm hoping this video will load. if it doesn't, then dang.


Monday, February 6, 2017

|| 5 reasons why i love being a youth leader ||

hi friends!

as you are reading this, 
i am currently headed to chicago with a van full of spunky teenagers
 and one entertaining youth pastor. 

why you may ask?
we are all headed to moody bible institute for founder's week- a week long bible conference. we get to take this opportunity to visit the school, attend a conference with a bunch of fantastic speakers and amazing worship (as a worship leader, i am most excited about this part), visit some of our former students, and on top of all that, explore the blustery city of chicago. 

what more can you ask for?

with all this being said, i thought it would be appropriate to explain why i love being a youth leader. here are the ten reasons why its cool. 

part of my small group


(in no particular order)

1. i get to channel being a kid again 
and build relationships with the teens.

it's really refreshing after a long week to unwind by hanging out with kids at least ten years your junior. not much is expected other than acceptance, a little love, and someone for them to talk to. and if you act a little crazy, it's socially acceptable. you don't have to fully act your age for a few hours.`


2. i kinda get to do the whole 
"what i would have told my younger self" 
to an actual younger version of me.

have you ever come across a teenager who, maybe minus looks, is exactly how you were as a teen? scary isn't it? but also it's kinda neat and sometimes scary to see that from a different perspective. you see then make the same choices, good or bad, that you made back in the day and this gives you the opportunity to correct some wrongs in another youngster by walking them through  "what no to do" and hopefully steer them in the right direction. *fingers crossed*

my small group 




this girl reminds me of myself when i was her age. i love her dearly.


3. it helps to keep me spiritually accountable.

now i realize that this isn't the only way to keep accountable, but it is very helpful. the way i look at it is, how are you going to help teenagers grow spiritually when you're not there yet either? how are you going to answer questions, particularly the hard ones? you gotta be alert, ready to go. prepared for anything. "Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong." (I Corinthians 16:13)

4. i get the opportunity to instill some Godly truth into, and disciple the youngers.

someone once described the importance of youth ministry to me in this way- this is the time in a teens life where they are becoming older and beginning to make and for their own decisions and opinions on certain things and topics. you want to get them while they are still forming said thoughts and opinions. this is one of the best times to tell them about Jesus. 





5. i potentially get to travel.

i love to travel. so when i can do it with the youth ministry, it's the actual best thing. i've been able to go to chicago once before, youth camp over a million times (ok ten, but you get the picture) and overseas. mission trips with teenagers is a fun and rewarding time  because you get to watch these teens practice what they've been taught to those who don't know Jesus. i love watching them step outside their comfort zone.

the forbidden city
beijing, china
 2016




but in all honesty, it's really an amazing opportunity to teach young kids, mainly young girls, who's exact seats you were sitting in ten years ago, about Jesus and how to love Him in a time where its really hard to. and i'm still being taught as well, because the things we teach the teenagers, it's still  very essential to adults.

hope you enjoyed this post, friends!

i have some questions for you- 
are you a part of any ministries at your church? 
what is it/ are they? 
do you love them?

ps. here is a picture of me in highschool.


emphasis on the awkward. 
but don't forget thats why we are all here to begin with. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

|| don't get me started ||

hi friends. 

today am beside my self with hilarity over this post that i'm about to crank out.



i once saw a wonderful idea for a road trip game on facebook. the idea is that everyone lists a topic, and after each topic you start off your statement with "don't get me started on (insert topic here)" and from there, you just vent the crap out of whatever topic it is. it doesn't even have to be something that makes you angry, you just have to go off on each topic. you can take it in an angry manner or "it's so good its annoying" kind of manner.

so with that being said, here is the (hopefully) first ever blog version of "don't get me started".

i went on my personal and blog facebook pages and asked y'all for random, but not political (because that will defeat my purpose and no one needs that kind of current negativity in their life), topics. little did you know what i was going to do with them. prepared to be confused and feel a little uncomfortable and hopefully awkward.



social media.
don't get me started with social media ya'll. it is beginning to get a little weird. have you noticed how awkwardly social everyone is becoming lately? you want to know why that is? 

because of the media that is social.

all these teeny booper folk are walking around with their nose on their phone (which, if you know about germs, is incredibly unsanitary) and then the inevitable and very backward thing happens- these poor kids with this growth attached to them end up running into inanimate objects and apologize to said objects or they run into a human being and say nothing, blush, stick their nose back on their phone or tablet and run away. what's up with that?



pigeons.
don't get me started on pigeons. 
what's the deal with these birds? 
with their wing flapping, their pecking, their begging, their general nosiness? 
why?
 and have you ever taken a good look at a pigeon? 
they are ugly as sin, with their beady little eyes that stare judgement into your soul if you look at them for too long. 
they're just so..........
ugh, ya know?
 i know you get what i mean. and you know who else gets what i mean? 
pigeons. 
they are too intelligent for their own good. they know. they know that i know that they know that i know that the pigeons know, man. they just know. creepy little beasts of the air....oh wait, thats the crow. don't get me started on those.




online shopping.
don't get me started on online shopping. 
online shopping is the worst and also the best at the same time.
 it's the worst because you have no legitimate guarantee that something is going to work or going to fit. you are basically playing Russian roulette with the internet. 
for product
that just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. but then online shopping is pretty legit since you literally have to do nothing but push a couple buttons and your product, that you're gambling for-don't forget, appears and your weird fed ex man shows up at the door to hand you your goods. this requires nothing, not even pants, and we all know what a hassle pants are, but don't get me started on those. 
too complex.

and from it all you slowly begin to spin out of control.


naps.
don't get me started on naps. the word automatically makes me want to crawl in a rabbit's hole and snuggle into the warm fluffy coat of the den mother. there will i fall into the sweetest of slumbers, dreaming about puppies, coffee, happy things.......
whoa. 
i actually started to fall asleep for a second.
see, this is why i don't talk about naps. i'm automatically taken into a trance of sweet, sweet, sleepy coma...............

and there we go again. that's why you never get me started on naps.



the freshness of Wonder bread.
don't even get me started on the freshness of wonder bread. it's so fresh that it makes me angry. i've never experienced something so fresh, so fly. it has much style. it stays classic, vintage and never changes. the glistening plastic bag keeps the sweet loaf in it's form- the kind of packaging is what brings the people back every time.

we can learn something from this- 
consistency is key



and with that, we have one of the strangest posts i have ever written.

ok thats actually a lie. the strangest post i have ever written is here .
but this one is a close second.
i challenge everyone to play this game in your car, 
whether you're on a raid trip or stuck in traffic. 
heck, maybe even play it in walmart. 
that couldn't be the oddest thing that has happened in there, amiright?