you are about to be bombarded......
....you think about your week realize that nothing too terribly awkward has happened thus far. you then began to panic slightly. as soon as you begin to panic, the awkward moments begin flowing. for some reason you feel relieved. you were worried for a second because you wondered if maybe you were knocked unconscious without knowing it.
....when your in the bathroom, with soap on your hands, ready to wash, and the automatic sink DOES NOT COME ON. BEGIN PANIC.....NOW.....
....when you sit around on a sunday afternoon, looking through sparknotes articles, and LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT THE CREATIVITY ON THAT SITE. LIKE YOUR HIGH. but of course, you are not high. that would be very wrong.
....when your coworker, who played golf over the weekend, tell you that she "hit the doopey poopy out of the ball" (or something like that)
....when the same coworker, after hearing the alarm go off (BECAUSE APPARENTLY NO ONE CAN READ THE SIGNS ON THE DOORS), says that somebody pulled a "naughty no no."
....when your sitting in the bathroom stall, minding your business while doing your business, and you hear a great deal of toilet paper rustling. no problem there. then, not a second later, you hear EVEN MORE rustling of the TP. and what is going through my mind is, "ARE YOU DYING? WHY DO YOU NEED SO MUCH TOILET PAPER."
....when you rush in to the building, rush into class, sit down, the realize that you have had your jacket on inside out for like 15 minutes. FAIL.
....when you walk in to poli sci class, and your class mate has Selena Gomez playing. now, i have no objection to Selena Gomez. however when your class mate is a dude, and a country boy, and HE LIKES Selena Gomez......well, it's interesting to say the least.
....when your shelf reading, and you come across a book entitled, "lipstick jihad." WHAT??
....when you hold the door open for a guy and a girl and the girl says 'thank you', but her dude friend just grunts. LIKE AN ANIMAL. ok that's a lie, but still. USE YOUR WORDS MAN. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
....when your day is made by a book called "higgely piggly pop." YES. GIBBERISH FOR THE WIN.
....when you read the word "Counts" as " Coconuts". yes friends, I AM A SWELL READER.
....when some dude thinks that his number was written down, on SOMETHING HE LEFT IN THE LIBRARY, joking suggests that it was looked up for a date. YOU SIR, are very secure in your attractiveness. and while you are very nice to look at (ain't gonna lie about that) , THAT IS NOT WHY YOUR NUMBER WAS LOOKED UP. does that line normally work for you? deflate that head of yours. or i will.
....when you go out to your car on the night of the haunted forest at your school and you realize that your are parked VERY CLOSE TO THE FOREST. you know this because you hear chainsaws and screaming. and is reason enough in it self NOT to participate. college students have sick minds.
....when you comeback inside from your car and swear that you hear screams coming from the bathroom and/or elevator.
....when you open up your sealed drink and the seal breaking is so loud that you hear it echo across the practically empty library. MY BAD. SORRY.
....when you shake up said bottle and find out you for got to tighten the cap because some of the liquid just spilled all over your hands.
....when you repeat the above moment at least two more times. you realize that YOU. ARE. SO. AWESOME.
....when the library is very empty. someone then takes advantage of the silence and decided to hawk some PRETTY MAJOR LOOGIES. over and over and over......ARE YOU DYING? CAN'T YOU GET IT OUT IN ONE MAJOR HAAAAWWWWK. serioulsy.
happy thursday!
