Wednesday, February 1, 2017

|| don't get me started ||

hi friends. 

today am beside my self with hilarity over this post that i'm about to crank out.

i once saw a wonderful idea for a road trip game on facebook. the idea is that everyone lists a topic, and after each topic you start off your statement with "don't get me started on (insert topic here)" and from there, you just vent the crap out of whatever topic it is. it doesn't even have to be something that makes you angry, you just have to go off on each topic. you can take it in an angry manner or "it's so good its annoying" kind of manner.

so with that being said, here is the (hopefully) first ever blog version of "don't get me started".

i went on my personal and blog facebook pages and asked y'all for random, but not political (because that will defeat my purpose and no one needs that kind of current negativity in their life), topics. little did you know what i was going to do with them. prepared to be confused and feel a little uncomfortable and hopefully awkward.

social media.
don't get me started with social media ya'll. it is beginning to get a little weird. have you noticed how awkwardly social everyone is becoming lately? you want to know why that is? 

because of the media that is social.

all these teeny booper folk are walking around with their nose on their phone (which, if you know about germs, is incredibly unsanitary) and then the inevitable and very backward thing happens- these poor kids with this growth attached to them end up running into inanimate objects and apologize to said objects or they run into a human being and say nothing, blush, stick their nose back on their phone or tablet and run away. what's up with that?

don't get me started on pigeons. 
what's the deal with these birds? 
with their wing flapping, their pecking, their begging, their general nosiness? 
 and have you ever taken a good look at a pigeon? 
they are ugly as sin, with their beady little eyes that stare judgement into your soul if you look at them for too long. 
they're just so..........
ugh, ya know?
 i know you get what i mean. and you know who else gets what i mean? 
they are too intelligent for their own good. they know. they know that i know that they know that i know that the pigeons know, man. they just know. creepy little beasts of the air....oh wait, thats the crow. don't get me started on those.

online shopping.
don't get me started on online shopping. 
online shopping is the worst and also the best at the same time.
 it's the worst because you have no legitimate guarantee that something is going to work or going to fit. you are basically playing Russian roulette with the internet. 
for product
that just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. but then online shopping is pretty legit since you literally have to do nothing but push a couple buttons and your product, that you're gambling for-don't forget, appears and your weird fed ex man shows up at the door to hand you your goods. this requires nothing, not even pants, and we all know what a hassle pants are, but don't get me started on those. 
too complex.

and from it all you slowly begin to spin out of control.

don't get me started on naps. the word automatically makes me want to crawl in a rabbit's hole and snuggle into the warm fluffy coat of the den mother. there will i fall into the sweetest of slumbers, dreaming about puppies, coffee, happy things.......
i actually started to fall asleep for a second.
see, this is why i don't talk about naps. i'm automatically taken into a trance of sweet, sweet, sleepy coma...............

and there we go again. that's why you never get me started on naps.

the freshness of Wonder bread.
don't even get me started on the freshness of wonder bread. it's so fresh that it makes me angry. i've never experienced something so fresh, so fly. it has much style. it stays classic, vintage and never changes. the glistening plastic bag keeps the sweet loaf in it's form- the kind of packaging is what brings the people back every time.

we can learn something from this- 
consistency is key

and with that, we have one of the strangest posts i have ever written.

ok thats actually a lie. the strangest post i have ever written is here .
but this one is a close second.
i challenge everyone to play this game in your car, 
whether you're on a raid trip or stuck in traffic. 
heck, maybe even play it in walmart. 
that couldn't be the oddest thing that has happened in there, amiright?

1 comment:

Brooklyn | La Ti Do said...

Haha this is awesome! Really really enjoyed it ;)
<3 Brooklyn
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